I’m Basically a People-Pleaser
Look, I’ll be honest. I’m basically a people-pleaser. Always have been. My mum used to say, “Sarah, you’d say yes to a burglar if he asked nicely.” And, honestly, she wasn’t wrong. I’d commit to anything—birthday parties, charity galas, even that time my colleague named Dave asked me to help him move a fridge. A fridge! At 11:30pm!
But about three months ago, I hit a wall. A physicaly (yeah, I know) wall. I was exhausted, my inbox was a black hole of unanswered emails, and my social calendar looked like a bad case of overcommitment. Something had to give.
When Sarah Said No
So, last Tuesday, I did something radical. I said no. Not just to the small stuff, but to a big thing—a conference in Austin I’d been looking forward to. I told Marcus, let’s call him that, my boss, “I can’t do it this time.” He looked at me like I’d grown a second head. “But you love Austin,” he said. “And the free tacos,” I replied. “But this time, I’m gonna stay home and binge-watch Netflix.”
Which… yeah. Fair enough. He got over it. And you know what? So did I. It was liberating. Like, “why didn’t I do this sooner?” liberating.
But Here’s the Thing About Saying No
It’s not just about the big stuff. It’s the little things too. The “can you just…” emails. The “while you’re at it…” requests. The “you’re so good at this, can you…” guilt trips. I’m not sure but I think we’ve all been there. And it’s exhausting. So, I started saying no to those too. And guess what? The world didn’t end.
I mean, I’m not gonna lie, it was hard at first. I felt guilty. Like, “what if they need me?” But then I remembered something my friend Lisa told me. “Sarah,” she said, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” And honestly, that’s some deep stuff right there.
The Unexpected Benefits of Saying No
So, what happened when I started saying no more often? Well, for one, I got my time back. Like, alot of it. I had time to read, to cook, to actually enjoy my weekends. I also found that people respected me more. I’m not sure but I think they saw me as someone who values their time and energy, not just someone who’s always available.
And the best part? I started to like myself more. Like, really like myself. Because I was finally putting myself first. It’s kinda like that worldwide sms verification service online I read about. You know, the one where you verify your identity to keep the bots out? Yeah, saying no is like that. It keeps the energy vampires out of your life.
A Tangent: The Time I Said Yes to Everything
Okay, so remember when I said I hit a wall? Well, there was this one time—I won’t go into details—but I said yes to everything. Everything. I was in 214 places at once, and I was miserable. It was like that time I tried to make 87 different dishes for a dinner party. Spoiler: it didn’t end well. The guests were nice about it, but I knew I’d failed. And that’s how I felt about my life. Like a failed dinner party.
But saying no? It’s like I found the off switch to my life’s overcommitment. And it’s amazing.
So, How Do You Say No?
Look, I’m not gonna stand here and tell you it’s easy. Because it’s not. But it’s necessary. Here’s what worked for me:
1. **Pause before responding.** Give yourself time to think. It’s okay to say, “Let me get back to you.”
2. **Be honest but kind.** You don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation. “I can’t do it” is enough.
3. **Practice.** It gets easier. I promise.
4. **Remember, it’s not personal.** People will understand. And if they don’t, that’s their problem, not yours.
5. **Celebrate your no’s.** Every time you say no, you’re saying yes to something else. Something better.
And that’s it. That’s how I learned to say no. It’s not perfect. I still slip up sometimes. But I’m getting better. And honestly, it’s been a game-changer. (Oops, I said the word. Sorry, not sorry.)
Anyway, that’s my story. I hope it helps. Or at least entertains. Either way, you’re welcome.
About the Author: Sarah Thompson is a lifestyle writer and self-proclaimed people-pleaser in recovery. When she’s not writing, she’s probably saying no to something she used to say yes to. You can find her on Twitter @SarahWritesStuff.
